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Dating Non-Christians & Unbelievers
Should Christians date non- Christians?
The Bible says; "do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers"
This page talks about the question of should Christians go out with or date a non-Christian - the age old problem of having a Christian girlfriend or boyfriend that doesn't believe. Is dating non-believers an option for Christians? Shouldn't we be equally yoked with someone who believes that Christ? Well here's a few thoughts and what the Bible has to say about this subject.
You must have heard it said;
”He's the nicest guy I've met in ages. It's not as if I ever meet anyone - and who knows, he might become a Christian"
There is of course nothing inherently wrong with dating a non-Christian. There are stories of Christians going out with non-Christians who subsequently give their life to God and the two go on to get married. But there are many more stories to the contrary of great heartache and eventual splitting of partners either before or after marriage - sometimes much later in life.
With the added pressure of other people drifting in and out of casual relationships, everyone else is having all the fun and you end up wondering why you don't try it yourself! To make things trickier still, some non-Christians have higher morals, and are more faithful and understanding than their fellow Christians.
Dating an unbeliever can be a real dilemma!
It's a dilemma, and it does seem unfair of God to restrict us to the few that are Christian in the real sense. Trying to find someone with whom you click, who you find attractive and who you know loves the Lord - can be so difficult that staying Gods side of the fence can seem like too much to ask! - Should I ask that non- Christian guy out at work? Should I be less fussy? Should I go church hopping? Should I join an agency? In the end it distracts from the real meaning of Christian life. Not to mention hours wasted barking up the wrong trees!
Should we consider dating a non-Christian partner outside the church when one inside seems so elusive
What does The Bible say about marrying or dating non-believers?
As ever The Holy Bible offers practical advice to real problems!
- The bible says guard your heart above all.
- We can see with Jesus as our model that as Christians we are limited in the things we can do. We have to sacrifice many things that the rest of the world does not, and one of those things is the vast choice of people with whom we can have a husband/wife relationship.
- The bible clearly states that marrying a non-believer is to be avoided. (do not be yoked with unbelievers or non Christians) However If you find this dogmatic, consider the sensitive way it addresses people who are already in a relationship with a nonbeliever. Far from consign them both to hell it offers constructive advice and says that the Christians' faith actually sanctifies the nonbeliever in the relationship. -Not to be taken to mean that dating a non-Christian is a good idea.
- Be careful who you get together with as bad company corrupts good character. Can a non Christian partner help you spiritually?
- The Bible tells us that few will enter the kingdom of heaven which is important because it follows that the number of potential partners available to us will be equally few. It is to be expected that meeting compatible people is difficult.
You may also want to check out our recommended books relating to the issue of dating non-Christians and unbelieving spouses or non-Christian girlfiends of boyfriends etc.
Other things to consider...
A mature Christian woman dating a spiritually immature man:
This may or may not worry you but consider the fact that the bible says the man should be the spiritual leader in a relationship. Spiritual maturity does not come overnight unlikely that a new Christian man could lead a mature Christian woman.
Uneven playing field
When you go out with a non-Christian you may have find you have opposite views on certain issues that your partner may not consider issues at all! For instance commitment to them may not be commitment to you. This will give them an unfair advantage in a relationship as they can break certain rules that you can't - and you may feel pressured to break them to hold their interest. This really happens! It's much better when both parties have the same rulebook. With an issue like no physical intimacy before marriage it'll take two to say 'no' for absolute certain. When one is indifferent or weak in their stance here, temptation will be hard or impossible to resist so decide BEFOREHAND to do the right thing!
From a practical point of view...
Is the person you're dating someone you'd like to marry? Being able to talk about your deepest emotions, hopes and fears in the light of God is something most Christians would want from a life long partner. Can you have this kind of relationship with an unbeliever? Most Christians agree that in the end something is missing. It can be like talking to someone who "isn't home" for want of a less arrogant sounding description. Consider what you want.
It is true that many non-Christians have good relationships (though they could never be as fulfilling as a right relationship in which both partners included God) With one believer and one nonbeliever. The scales are uneven and liable to tip.
Having established that it's praobably best not to seriously date a non-Christian (though this may not always be the case), how can we improve our chances of meeting someone?
You can visit different churches but this is a very inefficient way to meet someone. You're going to have to go for a couple of weeks before you get to know anyone and even then you may not end up in a position to approach the person you like. It also takes your mind off church itself. Church hopping is not a sin but it's not a good way to find a partner.
You can introduce people whom you know have an interest in each other. If everyone did this you could guarantee the favour would be returned!
You could try traditional Christian dating agencies which is a great idea. They even send you out in groups which is a lot of fun. Or you could use fusion101.com. This is a Christian dating agency that allows you to contact people with whom you have something in common. No time wasted and great fun! Go to 101 FREE Christian Dating & Personals service
To summarise
- Does the person you're interested in have the spiritual spiritual maturity you need? (esp important for women)
- In a relationship with a non-Christian you may be tempted to compromise your beliefs in order to stay appealing.
- Falling in love is easy. In a romantic relationship it may be difficult to escape a relationship with an unbeliever if it turns out to be wrong.
- Consider carefully whether short term gain is worth giving yourself to what could be the wrong person.
- While there can be nothing wrong with dating a non-Christian, you never know when a casual date will turn into a lifelong love.
- If you don't want to end up marrying a non-Christian, don't date one!
More dating articles
How to find a Christian partner
Copyright 1999. This page contains advice on dating non-Christians and help on should you date a person who isn't a Christian at fusion101. Guide written by Fusion101 Christian Singles Dating.
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